For heaven's sake, learn the rest of the song!

Micah is getting better at writing his name!
(The top one is my handwriting... Hey, I'm getting better too!)


Those are my handsome boys!

Malachi - the natural athlete

Wishing things would never change

I love love love being home with my boys. Little art projects -- sliced apples and car tracks with finger paint. Making snow castles. Time to wrestle and laugh. Teaching my son to read. Discipline that leads to cuddles and kisses. Watching my boys really enjoy eachother.

Mathias loves his brothers. He watches them intently. And the boys love to make him smile and he's just starting to laugh. Malachi's specialty is giving Mathias zerbets on his bare tummy. And Micah hands him toys and talks to him saying, "It's me, Micah!"

I wish things would never change. I love this stage. I don't know if this is contentment or if I just fear losing these simple things when the boys grow up.

Either way, I'm trying to be as thankful as I can for every day -- take as many pictures and videos as I can and journal (blog) as often as I can too.

Can you bottle up a rainbow to enjoy later? I'm giving it my best effort.

Here comes the Sun...

It was a warm day. The boys were clearing snow off the deck. Our back deck was especially warm with the sun beating down on it. I promise, Malachi was never cold. He didn't want to come in!






My sweet Mathias. He has turned a corner since he was evaluated by the Pediatric Neurologist. I came home and laid hands of Mathias. I had Micah put his hand on him too -- and we prayed. with tears. I asked, begged, God to heal Mathias.

It couldn't have been more than a day or two later, Mathias was following objects, and following us around with his eyes. He was smiling and lifting his head and rolling from his side to his back.

I was still upset. I didn't believe God was (or would) really heal him. He was making improvements but... he must just be delayed.

There were moments that I would sit in Mathias' room and watch him, looking for signs of hope. One night, during one of these scenes, John came in to sit with me. I looked down and noticed Mathias grabbing his blanket. He was grabbing! I began to cry. John was puzzled. Wasn't that a good thing?

I still can't say that there is nothing wrong with Mathias. Maybe he's just delayed and he turned a corner developmentally on his own. The timing of our prayers was a coincidence. No, I believe. I believe God has healed Mathias. To what extent, I don't know.

But God has answered our prayer. Even when I am faithless, God is faithful! :)





Every good and perfect gift is from God!
Look at that face! What a GIFT!

Thinking my baby is perfect

Thoughts that I'm thinking instead of sleeping...

All three boys napped at the same time today - for an hour. I layed down and my heavy eyes felt the hint of relief as I tried to break some kind of mom record and nap too. But thoughts swirled in my mind as I tried not to think about Mathias' Dr appointments.

I tried not to be discouraged at the times today that Mathias wouldn't turn to look at me when I called his name... I tried not to be too encouraged by the times he looked me in the eye today and smiled with a whole body wiggle. I write this now, with the older two boys up from their nap... and my eyes still heavy with a slight sting.

Yesterday, I put some new sheets on our bed that I bought on clearance a while back. They are white. John didn't know I bought them. And he was surprised when he climbed into bed and discovered them. I cringed and purposefully tried not to look him in the eye. I had spent money on something we didn't need. He really frowns upon that. The sheets aren't even nice sheets. They were on sale. Half off. Like my Grandma use to say, I'm going to "go broke saving money."

My sweet husband. He's learned a few things about his wife over the years. He didn't ask when I got them or how much they were. After I tried to explain and justify the purchase, he simply said, "this is your house too. i want you to feel comfortable." So much forgiveness and love in those words. They still comfort me today.

With my husband in mind, I showered. I showered, shaved, lathered, moisturized, clipped, applied makeup, deodorant, perfume, and jewelry. I haven't done this much primping since my wedding. We have a date tonight.

I looked myself in the mirror and my face wrinkled in disgust. I look worse. Worse than when I started. I looked like a drag-queen.

I was trying to take-on, enter into, absorb, represent beauty. I used all the products. But the beauty promised in the products more than disappointed. They gave me an artificial - a stale representation of beauty. It was an ugly beauty.

Then I remembered something CS Lewis wrote about beauty... I had to get the book and look it up.

"At present we are on the outside of the world, the wrong side of the door. We discern the freshness and purity of beauty, but they do not make us fresh and pure. We cannot mingle with the splendors we see. But all the leaves of the New Testament are rustling with the rumor that it will not always be so. Someday, God willing, we shall get IN." (The Weight of Glory)

Ahhh... with a voluntary obedience to God, the beauty, the Glory is put on.... is sunk in. It is not a false imitation of good, of faith, of trust. I don't want to flaunt my faith in drag. The real beauty... is in thinking about Mathias - hopes and discouragements. And then surrendering it to God with "hands off" obedience. (I know this will bless and dazzle my husband much more than any good primping session.)

Oh God, I believe. Help my unbelief.

More updated photos

Mathias and cousin Moses discovering eachother...

Mathias (2months) smiling...

The boys on mommy and daddy's bed watching a video...

John and Mathias having moments...

Mathias, with his "mom" shirt, showing off his bicep...

Winter ice storm...

Our life, as of late...